THE COST OF BEING A HERO

YOU REST-WE WILL STAND

I talked to Shakey this morning.  The joyful, loud, excited, HALF CRAZED voice I am use to hearing when he is near (OR FAR) had been stolen and replaced with a voice I didn't recognize.  I felt like an ass, as soon as I asked, "How you doin' buddy"  and I got an honest answer..."not very good Bull...they got me rushing up to Shands to get bad shit put in my body to make me sick and puke for a week."..."Bull, that just doesn't make sense, I'm rushing up here for them to make me sick." I played it off and went right into..."Things are going good here bubba, we have the fund raiser all set to go Thurs and Fri and I don't know if you saw or heard but I finally was able to get 3 sponsor's for the squats, and the guys are all asking about you...oh and we sold a ton of shirts too."....when I finally stopped vomiting words and let Stephen talk again and he must have said"Thank you guys so much"  a dozen times.  Then it finally hit me....  He said Thank You a dozen times TOO MANY!!!!...For some unGODly reason I felt the need to let him know what we were doing FOR him instead of letting him tell me how he was, what he needed...etc...  It hit me hard so I shut up and let him talk.  "I am on my way to Shands"  when I let those words sink in I started to choke up because in my heart I know ONLY really sick people go to Shands, I fought with my mind to try not to see the reality of his words..." they give me 5-6 hours of chemo Bull, and then I come home with a pump that keeps giving me this bad stuff for another 48 HOURS!  I am getting the hardest chemo they can give a human, cause the treatment is aggressive"(over 50 hours straight of the harshest chemo a body can take)....I had stopped thinking about everything and only tried my best to fully hear and understand the gravity of his sad voice. "Bull, I've lost almost 30 lbs cause I can't eat." ....I am now ashamed and at a loss for words and I am close to crying because, I am use to having Shakey either pull down his pants or pull up his shirt and tie it in a knot by now, or tell me "Bull, you need to get back on the Squad".  But instead I sat here, helpless, without words, listening to a man, a family man, who is way too young and WAY TOO FULL OF LIFE to be telling me about "how hard it is to swallow",..."dries out my throat","I can't eat,"" I've lost 30 lbs." "how this poison they are putting in me makes me sick", "makes me puke", "i sleep for hours", "It's bullshit""Bull I'm not doing good, makes me sick, makes me puke".... "THANK YOU GUYS".........Never ever thank me again Shakey, this is what brother's do, we stand for each other when the other can't, this is what I was suppose to do years ago when Tommy, Boat, Mike and Jimmy got really sick but I didn't.  But I'm here now, we're here now, in fact there are a lot of us here for you.  And not just "us" brother but Clermont FD, Winter Garden FD, Orlando FD and Reedy Creek FD are all stepping up as well as others so you do not have to stand alone! Shakey when I received that call yesterday from a man who asked to stay anonymous, and he said to me..."I've been reading your blog and I want to help, I want to sponsor you for 1 year in your squatting to help Shakey"....I knew then that we were/are doing the right thing and that was after 2 others had called to help also.  You have touched a lot of people my friend and they are standing for you.  Have a good night as best as you can Stephen. Our feet are planted strong.  Here are today's squats and they are in the books!!! Zercher Squats from the ground at 310#...God Bless brother, love ya Bull