Thank you Dr. Ernie Cortez; Florida Hospital Celebration ER, for joining the SQUATTING FOR SHAKEY "SPONSOR CLUB" with your 100 Day donation of $300.00

Tonight, I am writing a bit different.  After talking with Stephen yesterday morning on his way up to get "sick" (as he say's) and thinking about the way a lot of men and women are coming together the next 2 days to do honor for those who have "given all" and for our brother who is fighting this war, I feel anger and I think I am gonna let some out....so here we go...

Hey cancer you cowardly little "bitch," it's time to go! you're not welcome here anymore,You see.WE are getting sponsor's and knocking out squats everyday for 'the man'...getting stronger one freakin' squat at a time, each and every day while your putrid ass sneaks around in the dark creeping up on people when they ain't looking.  I got news for you slimball " we will NOT sit around and let you take another brother from us!"  (You see this look on my face little coward, you see these fists well they won't rest til you are done!)  Our STRONG brother Shakey is fighting back too...do not let the tired voice fool ya jackass.  He has gone for hours without sleeping and eating, while taking care of the citizens of Orange County, in the rain, in the heat, in the freezing cold.  This little bit of hell your putting him through ain't shit compared to the hell fires that he has walked INTO AND put out with his brothers.  You hide in the dark like all cowards do and strike while the real heroes are a resting but this time your ass got caught! WE don't hide ANYWHERE and we fight in the light or the dark! See, we are growing one by one, county by county and city by city, from all over this state, an army of some tough ass firefighter's who have said ENOUGH!!!  This time our bond is stronger then your bile and I for one are sick and tired of your crawling around in the shadows and hurting my friends.  At first I thought I was alone, but my gut said keep going, keep squatting, keep doing this thing and there will be more who will want to fight along side of me, who are sick of you and your type of filth, and there are MORE a LOT MORE!...and each day we grow and get stronger and you will shrink and weaken and wither away. Stephen's NOT QUITTING punk,  The fact is he's getting stronger!  See what you forgot coward was who we are! WE are FIRE FIGHTER'S, WE are AMERICA'S BRAVEST!,WE are BROTHER'S, WE are the ones that EVERYONE calls when the shit hits the fan! We do not sit on the sidelines or in the press-boxes and watch the fighter's.  Bitch WE ARE THE FIGHTERS! And another thing, we don't stop being firefighter's either.... see we are these BAD BOYS - 24 HOURS A DAY-7 DAYS A WEEK FOR 365 DAYS ,...ALWAYS!...a carpenter can lay down his hammer when the day's work is done and a mechanic can put his wrench in a tool box at closing time but for the firefighter there IS NO CLOSING TIME PAL...on duty or off he/she is still a firefighter, always ready.  We never stop being what we are, it's how we are created, it's how GOD made us.  So we are rewriting this story and it's time for you to take your skinny little cowardly pus filled ass out of here..out of Him,....So when you blind sided Stephen this is what you got....and....YOU ARE NOT WELCOME ANYMORE!!!

Last one today brother...305#.  We ain't stopping my Amigo. we are ALL in for the long haul.Stay strong.  Love ya,Bull

YOU REST-WE WILL STAND

I talked to Shakey this morning.  The joyful, loud, excited, HALF CRAZED voice I am use to hearing when he is near (OR FAR) had been stolen and replaced with a voice I didn't recognize.  I felt like an ass, as soon as I asked, "How you doin' buddy"  and I got an honest answer..."not very good Bull...they got me rushing up to Shands to get bad shit put in my body to make me sick and puke for a week."..."Bull, that just doesn't make sense, I'm rushing up here for them to make me sick." I played it off and went right into..."Things are going good here bubba, we have the fund raiser all set to go Thurs and Fri and I don't know if you saw or heard but I finally was able to get 3 sponsor's for the squats, and the guys are all asking about you...oh and we sold a ton of shirts too."....when I finally stopped vomiting words and let Stephen talk again and he must have said"Thank you guys so much"  a dozen times.  Then it finally hit me....  He said Thank You a dozen times TOO MANY!!!!...For some unGODly reason I felt the need to let him know what we were doing FOR him instead of letting him tell me how he was, what he needed...etc...  It hit me hard so I shut up and let him talk.  "I am on my way to Shands"  when I let those words sink in I started to choke up because in my heart I know ONLY really sick people go to Shands, I fought with my mind to try not to see the reality of his words..." they give me 5-6 hours of chemo Bull, and then I come home with a pump that keeps giving me this bad stuff for another 48 HOURS!  I am getting the hardest chemo they can give a human, cause the treatment is aggressive"(over 50 hours straight of the harshest chemo a body can take)....I had stopped thinking about everything and only tried my best to fully hear and understand the gravity of his sad voice. "Bull, I've lost almost 30 lbs cause I can't eat." ....I am now ashamed and at a loss for words and I am close to crying because, I am use to having Shakey either pull down his pants or pull up his shirt and tie it in a knot by now, or tell me "Bull, you need to get back on the Squad".  But instead I sat here, helpless, without words, listening to a man, a family man, who is way too young and WAY TOO FULL OF LIFE to be telling me about "how hard it is to swallow",..."dries out my throat","I can't eat,"" I've lost 30 lbs." "how this poison they are putting in me makes me sick", "makes me puke", "i sleep for hours", "It's bullshit""Bull I'm not doing good, makes me sick, makes me puke".... "THANK YOU GUYS".........Never ever thank me again Shakey, this is what brother's do, we stand for each other when the other can't, this is what I was suppose to do years ago when Tommy, Boat, Mike and Jimmy got really sick but I didn't.  But I'm here now, we're here now, in fact there are a lot of us here for you.  And not just "us" brother but Clermont FD, Winter Garden FD, Orlando FD and Reedy Creek FD are all stepping up as well as others so you do not have to stand alone! Shakey when I received that call yesterday from a man who asked to stay anonymous, and he said to me..."I've been reading your blog and I want to help, I want to sponsor you for 1 year in your squatting to help Shakey"....I knew then that we were/are doing the right thing and that was after 2 others had called to help also.  You have touched a lot of people my friend and they are standing for you.  Have a good night as best as you can Stephen. Our feet are planted strong.  Here are today's squats and they are in the books!!! Zercher Squats from the ground at 310#...God Bless brother, love ya Bull

THE COST OF BEING A HERO

FIRST SPONSOR'S for "SQUATTING FOR SHAKEY"

STA 101-ENGINE 101-LAKE EMS 321

"C" SHIFT

THANK YOU FOR MAKING THIS POSSIBLE !

BULL

Day 14 "SKWATS"

Sunday the 26th of April 2015 and the 14th day of my journey in SKWATS for Shakey which leaves me with 351 days to go.  It's funny cause a smile just crossed my face!....NOT lying it is still here and it has been a long time since I have smiled over squatting or any heavy lifting but this is different, this is a journey and a passion now to help a brother.  So the smile comes with the territory!  This week went pretty good for being week 2....I was instructed to keep it at 300# and not go over that weight even if it feels easy.   The reason is so my CNS (central nervous system) can get use to it, so in a month I can raise the bar to 310#.  This weeks totals were Mon-325#,Tues-320#,Wed-305#,Thurs-300#,Fri-300#,Sat-300#,Sun-305# for a grand total of 2,155.

To sponsor me I ask only 1 penny per pound BUT you can give as much as you choose, this weeks sponsor donation is $21.55.  Please contact me through comments or my cell at 352-255-6421 if interested in sponsoring SQUATS FOR SHAKEY.  Thank you- BULL

"Don't write your name in sand, waves will wash it away.  Don't write your name in the sky, wind will blow it away.  Write your name in the hearts of people you come in touch with; that's where it will stay"  -Anonymous

''IT IS WELL,...WITH MY SOUL''...

The Bible [John 15;13] says "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."  Our brave New York City Firefighters...New York City police officers...Port Authority police officers...EMS workers...health care workers...court officers...and uniformed service members---they laid down their lives for strangers.  They were inspired by their sense of duty and their love for humanity.  As they raced into the Twin Towers and the other buildings to save lives, they didn't stop to ask how rich or how poor the person was, they didn't stop to ask what religion, what race, what nationality.  They just raced in to save their fellow human beings.  They are the best example of love that we have in our society.  -Mayor R Giuliani, Yankee Stadium, Sept.23,2001

"They are the best example of LOVE in our society"....I do not think I have ever heard firefighters called this before by anyone-"-love"-nope-I am real sure I have never been called that!  I will never forget that day or the days that followed soon after.  I was able to make it to the command center there, only to be told they couldn't take anymore volunteers.  But I was given a bed to sleep in that night and any nights after if needed as a thank you, in a naval ship at the pier.  That was one of the most sobering, helpless moments in my adult life.  I was surrounded by THOUSANDS and felt completely alone.  Here's the catch... nobody made me feel that way BUT me!  I was offered anything, I was rewarded you might say for just being there, those in charge genuinely felt horrible when they heard how far I had come.  But the actual fact was that fear (false evidence appearing real) overwhelmed me. Nothing but that.  Fast forward to driving back home to Fla   I can still hear the conversation I had with my Mom,  "I failed Ma, I failed big time.  I got there too late and they couldn't use me.  I wasted my time and everyone else's, whine, whine, whine"  and her response through  her tears were ...."FAIL"???What do you mean fail? "You have done something very, few people have done, you did something that most of us only thought about doing, but you went Tom.  How did you fail?  You went on your own to help, you went into a city everyone else was getting out of.  No Tom, you didn't fail you showed people that there still are caring people in this world.  I love you and am so proud of what you did"   Mom's are great! ( she also told me to quit whining)  911 let people see us for what we are.  It's a shame it takes something so brutal for people to see what is right in front of their eyes.  Those firefighters did what they do everyday of their lives.  They gave of themselves to save others.  They weren't being heroes, they didn't all the sudden get super powers , they did their jobs.  The same job a lot of them have been doing for years.  I wonder how many times they were called "love" when they cut someone out of a car or delivered a baby?  Or blew a cat out of a tree with the hose?  How about when I shut the highway down because we are working a multiple car accident? How bout when a citizen called them at 3 am for a general illness that is very contagious and they take it back to their own families all because that citizen doesn't want to ask a friend or family member to take them to the Dr at normal hours! That is what people just don't realize I guess.  I was sickened by the lives lost that day. I was sickened by the actions my brothers and sisters had to take because we don't have the choice to say "NO" I'm not going into that fire or I'm not taking this call.  I think of that day now and then and the pit in my stomach is still there.  I have talked to guys who made it out that day and they told me how they just knew, while riding to the call that it was going to be their last.  And still they went knowing that, they didn't try to turn and run the other way like so many others were. As the Towers were falling they were still going.  And we also keep on going. We are no different here, we would do and are doing the same thing...Why?  Because that is how we were created.  It's not learned as much as you were made to do this, your DNA has IT,

we are cut from a different cloth.  Why does the person next to you comes first?  Your life comes before mine?  WHY?  We may try to act like that ain't so when were not on duty but just let something happen and you will see what I am talking about.  The firefighter, the real firefighter reacts by going towards the danger in an instant to help...doesn't even question it. You know what I mean.  It's just part of our nature, I know I didn't ask for this immense love for my fellow man, I didn't ask to have the need to be drawn to such a breed of men and women like us!  It is so hard to explain to common, "normal" folk why we do what we do, they just don't get it and I know they don't want to get it.  Because when they ask us, "How did your shift go honey"? and you tell them that a child died in your arms because her daddy left the gate unlocked to the pool or how you found a 10 year boy burnt to a crisp still in his bed BUT the parents were outside safe and sound or while cutting a 8 year old girl from Ohio out of the back seat of the car, she keeps asking me is her Mom and Dad okay and you have to lie because in the front seat the headless couple is still there, and the only reply is "Oh, that's too bad," and they keep cooking or watching their favorite tv show.  They don't get it.   Most folks don't want to know what we do....so I guess that is why they call us heroes.  What we share with each other we can't take for granted.  The bond we share is OUR  blessing, it's our strength, the little bit of time we get to share together, we need to take serious.  Because if we ever lose that bond that keeps us together, that keeps us strong.  If we lose that, then who will take care of the rest of humanity?

          HULK, Capt America or Superman

  ...and a few other silly ideas too!  When I was asked to draw our mascot for the original SQUAD 1, I really wasn't ready for all the different ideas the crews would have and I'll tell ya they were from one end of the crazy scale to the other!  But then again I was still a rookie when I was chosen to be on this unit.  I was in my 3rd year as a firefighter when we turned in applications to be picked for a crew that was gonna be different from anything yet seen in the fire service and we were gonna be taught all kinds of cool skills!  Sounded FANtastic to me at the time...little did I or anybody else realize the amount of work, schooling, trainingtrainingtraining, TIME, headaches and heart aches, gaining new friends and losing old ones would happen those first couple years.  IT was brutal but it never occurred to me that what we were doing was a ground breaking endeavor either.  Hours upon hours from figuring out which tools worked best for this or that, what air bags could lift a ton, how many Hurst tools do we need and what size compressor and generator, Haz Mat stuff, Repelling gear, Dive gear, Extrication tools, Tunneling and Shoring, Fire Fighting and Medical too...oh damn now we gotta design the truck too?  The first couple trucks we ran around in were something else LOL but they held together and they got us across the county and back safe.  This stuff was some of the EASIEST to deal with when looking at the big picture of the early days of SQUAD 1.  Behind the scenes was pretty sick, a lot of jealousy, rumors, back stabbing and so on.  Stuff that I was not prepared to see or deal with on a mature level, I mean at 3 years on, I was so IN LOVE with being around and a part of a tradition of men who fought fires together, saved lives as a team and did so many things outside of work that we were family.  We trusted one another to the tee.  I didn't realize that being on this unit really bugged other firefighters...one of the first parties I went too after being on the SQUAD for a couple weeks some of the guys that I had known from day one acted a bit stand offish and made a few snide jokes about GOD squad and if they were good enough to drink with me now and blah blah blah...kinda hurt cause in my eyes we are brothers, nothing has changed I am just on a different truck and guess what I don't get to sit around anymore like we all use to cause we gotta ...traintraintrain.  We use to go down to HQ and sit around a table and listen to a Chief go over why the county DOESN'T need us!  get this they don't even have our "run" records calls or stats!  One day I lost it and told that Chief this was bullshit and to stick it in his ass that our lives were more important than this and so on....He didn't say a word back thank goodness but I got my ass chewed all the way back to Sta.50.  Back then we ran quite a bit and a lot of the stuff we ran on most firefighters will never see or see only once in their careers, and some days we would see it multiple times.  I am not complaining just find sleeping difficult sometimes and many things I don't enjoy reliving.  I know this because in my 30 years I have asked multiple FF's if they have ran calls like these and the answer is usually "NOPE".  But I believe I have been blessed though because most FF's serve the public only...being on SQUAD 1, I was given the opportunity to serve my brothers!  That is how I always looked at it, when they needed help I was there to give it to them.  Sorry Shakster I don't know why I went to all this when I was talking about the mascot!  OK so we choose THE HULK...I love that green dude! he is us, he is the best example of us...loyal to a the hilt, green from chemicals and strong as sh$t and he gets even better the more pissed he gets!!!  Today it feels good when I see the same guy is still on the truck after all these years...It took quite a few different drawings to come up with that right one.  Its cool to see some things don't change!  Well my friend its after 12 so I gotta hit the rack...hope your standing strong today.  Hope that you find that green dude inside you. I found this picture of the HULKSTER and thought of you.  He looks a bit sad, in deep thought, maybe even a bit helpless,... like I feel.  Love you man... know we are here always for you.  Squats today 135#,225#, 300# then 15 sets of 2.  Peace my friend,Bull

Courage is very important. Like a muscle, it is strengthened by use.  R Gordon

HOPE...

Shakey brother, hope this day has been good to you and yours.  I have had a ton of people come by this week to get your shirt bubba.  I hope to get some good pictures next week to post of the guys and gals sporting your "T". You are missed,..I selected this picture because it is one of my favorites and it speaks volumes of ONE lone person struggling to fulfill her goal..to push her body past the limits she once thought kept her down, the sweat pouring, the muscles aching....BUT what really stands out to me is ALL the athletes, judges, spectators not only cheering her on but actually getting emotionally connected to her finishing strong.  I think if they could help her pull that hose they all would, if they could each grab a piece of her burden they would jump in and not stop til she crossed the line...until THEY crossed the line together.  Shakey I see that at the PIT daily brother, your friends co-workers and brothers wanting to be with you wanting to share your burden.  The PIT has become your home away from home buddy.  Next Thurs and Fri, Dave, Doss and I hope to fill it with all your brothers coming together for one common reason... to share in pain and sweat and tears a bond with YOU.  They all want to help but are helpless so we will give of ourselves as best we can to let you know we love you and are thinking of you DAILY.  I am not good at being helpless, I have worked hard at building a broken body strong so when needed I can get the job done...and I know there are others exactly like me that feel the same way.  We are not a breed that sits by idly waiting for others to do what we can and what most people won't!  We are a breed of men and women who would rather be in the arena facing the monsters than sitting in the seats behind the safety net watching.  And we take it hard and personally when one of our own is weakened. I guess that's why we would rather push ourselves to exhaustion thinking of you than sitting by watching.  I titled it "HOPE" because when I see the amount of people I do daily and hear their concerns and wishes for you I see "HOPE"... When I have an OC Sheriff officer squat next to me 5 out of 7 days so I don't have to be alone I feel "HOPE"... When I hear brothers coming up with events to hold for your behalf I know "HOPE"....and for me in seeing, feeling and knowing HOPE then in that there is GOD and LOVE and a unbreakable BOND...... "Hope arouses, as nothing else can arouse, a passion for the possible." W S Coffin

P.S.  my squats for the day are getting better...I was able to hit 300 in 3 sets..135#x5,225#x1,300#x1...PEACE to you my brother, Always Bull

"DORK"

April 30 and May 1 (Thurs and Fri) of next week the FIT PIT will be hosting our monthly HERO WOD.  This month we have chosen to honor Mike"Dork"Kennedy and Ed Walsh of Boston FD.  Both passed in the line of duty during a fire March 26, 2014.  Hero wods are rough, brutal and down right painful and for GOOD reason, so that in some small way we  pay tribute to those who have paid the ultimate price.  We will never get to meet these men but in a way we can say "Thank you".  We are running this for 2 days so we can give as many firefighters as possible the opportunity to come out and participate.  But this month is gonna be special....ALL money raised will go to Benefit Shakey and his Family,  I only ask that all participating wear the Shakey T's so we can get group pictures after and during wod's. (you will be able to get T's the days of if you need one)  There will also be a donation box and the amount you put in is up to you.  Please pass this along to ALL of our brother's and sister's so we can fill the PIT!!!!  Not very often are we presented with a chance to do great things for our own and when these opportunities come up we sometimes tend to miss the chance to act.  THIS IS ONE OF THOSE TIMES!!!! I have carried a boot at traffic lights for 30 YEARS! and in these 30 YEARS I have never once known where the money I collected went...NOT ONCE.  And now we have a chance to workout together as one, not only to honor  fallen brothers but to give to one of our own.  This is the BOND that we are blessed with as firefighters, this is the "brotherhood" we so loudly talk about..this is where some of us who have been around awhile need to step up and show the rookies and youngsters the meaning of being a FIRE FIGHTER BROTHER...this is where the rubber meets the road...There is no prizes given out this day just the pounding of your heart full of pride knowing that you gave of yourself with your brothers to help your own, a prize that doesn't fade with time.  I guarantee you that as you do this with each other on the concrete floor of the PIT you will gain a new respect for the man/woman next to you,  and when you look in the mirror later, you will know that you did a very honorable thing for another human being.  I will be posting more info in the next few days.....pass it on..."FILL THE PIT"   

"We must not...ignore the small daily differences we can make which, over time, add up to BIG differences that we often cannot foresee." - M W Edelman

SHANNON and KATIE sporting the "SHAKEY T"

Brother Shakey here are a couple SISTER'S who have been a big help in passing the word.  I have a lot of respect for the work they put in to get better at the profession we love.

Both have always pushed themselves when I am working with them beyond what most would do and NEVER complain.  It is an honor to work with these 2!  They both send their love to you my brother!   Today's squats were done with the Safety Squat Bar to a 16" box...135#x5,185#x3,225#x1,275#x1,305#x1.  Also I want you to know that Rob Graham (OCSO) has been by my side 5 out of 7 days squatting for you too!  I have some good stuff to post tonight my friend...gotta go EAT.....

THANK YOU SHANNON AND KATIE Y'ALL ROCK!!!!,love ya Bull

Hey Shakey a few people wanted to say HI from the PIT today!!!

And here is today's Squats for ya...Doss spotting me doing Camber Bar Box Squats at 325#

I'll talk to ya tonight my friend and more people said HI and send love and prayers.  Peace to you, Bull

MONDAY MONDAY MONDAY MONDAY MONDAY

Yes sir this is about how today felt to me!  Not sure if last week finally caught up or just the emotions of these past few weeks have finally started tugging on me.  The good thing is that in a few hours we start a new day.  We had a BUSY day at the PIT today, between 40 rookie Barnie Fife's (OCSO) being tested and the usual Pit members.  There was not any down time which really helped keep me focused on a day when my mind wanted to wander.  Squats were harder today but ended well and I had Big Ted Smith doing them with me so that was a plus. today went like so..135x3, 185x1, 225x1, 255x1, 275x1, 305x1 and last was 325x1.  Brother Ted passed on a hug for ya Shakey!  I was looking at one of my books tonight and wanted to share a few words from it with you brother....

" In weakness, strength is discovered; in wretchedness is joy; in the abyss of nothingness is the fruit of grace.  And so we need not escape ourselves to find peace or joy, for while spirituality is always beyond, it is discovered first within."  

Inside you and inside me is the ability to make the change, to find the hope the courage to do battle, to let go of doubt, to love those around us, to forgive.  I use to think that my circumstances and people had to change for me to feel better....and I was wrong because in reality it has nothing to do with anything but ME.  If i want a better world then I must be the change I want to see in others.  I finally quit asking God to change so and so, or change this or that and started asking HIM to allow me to have the courage needed to let go of my anger, to trust others, to believe, to love people I didn't want to love. I found out I needed to LET GO of more things than anything else. Holding on to things was keeping me a prisoner, they were things I couldn't touch my friend BUT i could sure feel them.  AND by learning to let go I found Grace, Freedom and the best part was I could breathe again as if a deep root had been ripped from my gut.  I'm not real sure why I went with this brother it just came out.  Well you have a wonderful night and I will be with you tomorrow, on here and in heart.  Know that people tell me daily how much they love and miss you.  Keep fighting.  

              Love ya, Bully

 Just thought that a SILVERBACK in red, white and blue spandex would make you laugh a bit brother!!!!  gotta love Big Dave Coughlin!

HELLO-GOODBYE and 7th Day of Squats

What a great turn out today at Mead Garden's to say HELLO-GOODBYE to one of the best BC's to serve the citizens of Orange County.  Lt Steve Kidd lead the ceremony and did a great job as usual.  The Honor Guard was spot on presenting Ch Growley's bunker coat and helmet.  Susie (Ch Growley's daughter) shared with us an emotional talk about her father, her hero and her loss.  Then we all silently said farewell with 3 toll's of the bell before Ret. OFD's Ch.Mark Austin gave life to Amazing Grace.  Good fixin's were provided by the always hard working 2057 cook squad and some fellowship, stories and hugs were shared for another couple hours.  I got a chance to talk with Steve Kidd and we both agreed these last couple years have taken their toll on our brother's.  Steve shared with me a little about his last visit with Mike Ganley before he left us.  It was hard to keep a dry eye as Steve spoke to me.  Mike is another man I miss dearly and love so much. It was during his sickness and death when I really started getting angry about losing so many brothers.  But today is not about that. The bond I spoke of at the beginning of these posts was present today and I tried to soak it up like sunshine.  All was well and I left with an image of Ch Growley and that great smile of his in my heart and mind.   AND then I got home and was hit with reality of DAY 7 of squats....

 

I kept it super short and quick today (Heck i didn't change clothes after the ceremony) Shakey and got to the max weight of 315# in 5 sets... Today went like this...135x5, 225#x1, 275#x1, 305#x1 and this video is of 315#x1.. today went better than expected maybe i need to squat in jeans and boots from now on!  This weeks max lifts went like so...Mon-330#,Tues-320# and 405# barbell walk 50', Wed-305#,Thurs-330#,Fri-305#,Sat-325# and Sun-315# for at total of 2,635# last rep max pounds.  My hope is that for the people reading these posts and are feeling hopeless of what to do to help or want to make a donation can take my weekly totals and ( AS AN EXAMPLE) pay 1 cent per pound ( this week would be $26.35) to your GOFUNDME account.  I am committed to do this for the next 358 days and when this starts I believe people will look forward to the 7th day of squats!  Rest well brother and tomorrow starts week 2. Be Strong .....Peace-LOVE-Brotherhood, your buddy,Bull

Memorial for OCFR Battlion Chief Chris Growley... truly humbling.

The last bell ring of a set of 3... and the beginning of 'Amazing Grace'.

Garage Squats, Deadlifts and Good Bye to a HERO

Hey brother today's bar session went a little better even though I only slept about 3-4 hours last night.  Sleep has not been a luxury since I began this journey and I am not sure why yet. I know it will take my body a few weeks to get accustomed to having heavy weight on it daily but I think this sleep thing is more about deeper issues. We will see! I tried squatting every day last year and my goal was to go heavy every day and no less than body weight (210#) but I only made it about 4 months.  It's funny once I missed a day or two it was easy to make excuses and just quit.  Before I knew it I hadn't followed through with my goal for days.  This time is different.  This time I will not go under 300# in a Back Sqt and then there's you too brother.  So it looks like we're in this together!. Today I did  Box Squat's to a 16" box with a pause at bottom, 135# x 5, 185# x 5, 225# x 3, 255# x 3, 295# x 1, 325# x 1....then Deadlifts cause I was still pissed about yesterday...135# x 5, 225# x 5, 275# x 3, 315# x 1, 365# x 1, 385# x 1.  Stopped there...still have Sun and then I will add up the weeks total....Rach took a picture at the 385# DL.  (I didn't see that big ol' belly earlier today, it swallowed my belt)

   Tomorrow we are heading back to Groveland but we will be going to Mead Gardens first.  I need to pay my respects and say good bye to one of the best Chiefs I have worked with in my career here.  The day i found out Chris was so sick I doubled over in tears and then got really pissed.  As usual I had a few choice words with God!...I tend to take it out on Him when I am hurt, scared, lonely or in pain...I am so glad He doesn't take me seriously!  Rach and I were going to a concert in Columbia,SC  a few weeks back and my plans were to go see him and spend the day with him.  That didn't happen though because Chris passed the day before I was heading up there.  I kick myself for not just going when I found out he was sick!  Shakey I am going to share a story about what kind of man Chris Growley was...About my 10th year in the job I was at a friends house one night at a party in the country, I walk outside and hear this ungodly screaming, people yelling down the dirt road and through the truck lights I see people running everywhere...then I start hearing my name being yelled out so I run down to where I see all the people.  What I ran too will never leave my heart or mind.  People are in a circle around a small body, they are screaming, yelling crying and so on and they start grabbing me begging me to save his life.  What happened was, a friend accidentally ran over his son with his semi truck,.. so I do what we do.... I start CPR and it seems like forever before anyone shows up and when they do I am covered in blood and body pieces, then the ambulance grabs me to ride in and I continue doing CPR all the way to the hospital and then in the hospital until the Dr calls him.  Needless to say I was a mess cause this was a friends son and the whole place was packed with family  That night was horrible.  Next day I go to shift at Sta 50 and my mind is everywhere but there. I am heart broken and just a mess.  The tones go off and our first call is AUTO VS CHILD!...I won't go into this call, but Chris was there and he saw me and they way I was acting during that call., When we got back to 50 he pulled me in the office and asked what was wrong..I told him the story of last night and as I am telling him he is BALLING...a short time later he sent me home and told me to take as much time as i needed.  Then he called me every day to see how i was.This man cared about his guys. Ch.Growley LOVED his guys!  and we would run through walls for him.  I miss him Shakey.  Sorry to ramble on but I needed to share that. So tomorrow I will think of other fond memories of my friend and then I will say "good bye" to another HERO I have been honored and blessed to have worked with.  Then I will head to my garage and squat.  Peace to you Brother....Bull

Good morning Shakey! Hope your night was good... I forgot to post this yesterday - I ran into OCFR Eng. Alwin Parsons (ret.) in Groveland and he sends his love and wishes you well!  I hope I look that good after I retire!!!! Ha!

CAPT WENDY and SISSY KNEES

Hey Shakey, hope your day got better brother. I wanted you to know that Capt Wendy is one of the last folks I talked to before setting out on this journey.  She helped me believe it is the right thing to do and that I needed to do it. I am glad she is the one who showed you this.  While I was sharing with her my ideas I could see in her a great love for you and your family.  I knew then to move forward. She deserves a Shakey HUG! Thank you Capt.Wendy! Today I was humbled and filled with pride seeing the prayers, all the love and strength sent to YOU from your brothers and sisters!  That is what I had hoped for my friend....a channel so we can all be together through this.  So many people want you to know they are thinking of you daily.  The band of brothers is growing.

  I am in Parrish tonight and will be here until Sun.  Before I left Groveland this afternoon I set up the squat stands and began my "daily pray session with the bar" and it started out fairly good...135 x 5, 185 x 5, 225 x 3, 255 x 3, 295 x ? FAIL!!!! my knees and legs just said OH HELL NO.  With the crash of plates slamming the floor Rach came through the door to a smashed 5 gal bait bucket and me cussing.  I knew I was a lil tired and sore from the previous 4 days, but I was not ready for a fail, so I got smart and I added 10 lbs to the damn bar then pulled out my heavy Ace bands and wrapped my"sissy knees" as tight as possible, shimmied up under the damn bar and with a belly full of air lifted it off the rack then squatted down and stood up with it still on my back this time. A measly 305# felt like a house today.  I cleared the bar then went on and did 5 rounds of Deadlifts. I got it done bro but it wasn't pretty.  Honestly, a couple times I wanted to quit, and rationalize WHY I should quit and rest a day.  That's the part of me I hate, that's the part of me that kept me from going to visit those who needed me.  That voice that says " It's ok you can do it tomorrow, you can make that call tomorrow or visit that sick relative another day.  That same voice kept me from saying things like "I was wrong" or "I am sorry".  Many times I have listened to that LIE and many times I have looked back and regretted listening.....but NOT today brother....Thank you Shakey, thank you for helping me pin those demons to the ground today...thank you for helping me to not listen, to not quit.  You have a good night my friend.  The band of brothers is growing....Love ya, Bull 

365 Days of Squatting and Deadlifting for Shakey

Tomorrow is Friday the 17th of April.  And after an appointment with my back Dr. I will be heading to my garage and SQUAT/DEADLIFT for the 5th day in a row this week.  My squats will be somewhere over 300# and the deadlift over 405#.  Then I will load up my squat stands, barbell and weight plates and head to Parrish, Fla to visit Rachel's family for the weekend and do the same thing each day there (hopefully in a garage and not the driveway).  I have not put more than 350# on the squat bar this year yet due to back and knee issues, in fact I met with a Orthopedic last Fri., and after x-rays and the normal "your knees are horrible" chat he recommended double knee replacement within the next 12 months. I write this NOT for sympathy but for you reading to understand that these 2 movements are very hard on my body and I have chosen to suffer a bit daily (365 days) for Shakey. And maybe raise some money for the family while doing this.  This blog is also in the memory of my brother Orange County Firefighters I never said "goodbye" too.  Men who I lived with, ate with, shared children's birthdays with, hugged tight at funerals and protected citizen's with daily and WHO I MISS. The idea of a blog came with the urging and support of other FF's in hopes to bring awareness, support and a means of daily communication for us all.  We are a brother and sisterhood, a select "few" chosen to serve others, and it seems somewhere we lost track of this.  I have a short time left in this 30 some odd year journey here and I would like to know I gave you my best. We have chosen a profession that takes from us, many things we can never get back.  We see the worst of humanity and we are expected to fix IT!  BUT what we have with each other, what we share with each other is a bond more powerful than most people will ever get to have...THAT is our blessing for doing this JOB!  NOT fame, NOT huge pay days but a BOND that only those who have battled together, saved lives together...lost lives together can share...and some times we forget this blessing we have been given.  I did not take the time to see my brother's because I was scared, hurt and angry to see them go...I didn't want to believe my strong brother's were sick.  So I guess in a way this is my gift to you brother's and sister's and to Shakey and his family.  I am going to see  this through and suffer a lil daily to give back, to remember, to never forget why we were chosen to do what we do.

Study: Firefighters Face Added Risk Of Cancer

Stephen Vanravenswaay "Shakey"...