THE COST OF BEING A HERO

*** DAY 91 ***

Saturday July 11, 2015-11 pm. I really wanted to get a post in this week but as you see I did not. I can blame it on being too busy but I could have made time. Truth is I could not find the words, or should I say, I did not like the words that came to me. Since the thoughts and squats of July 1st my thinking has stayed pretty dark. I keep going to that place of finality "The END" thoughts. I am trying to be honest here so please understand. See, before when my brother's were sick I didn't think of them daily like I do now, because I was too busy with "DOING" life as it is expected of me and of how I had come to believe life should be lived. Now everything I thought I knew has been thrown out the window. The things that were important, are not as important as before and I am still trying to figure out how to do this living the RIGHT way, if there is such a thing as how to actually live life!...I mean we are taught how we should act and how we should live but as I look at things now I see things I need to change or should have changed a long time ago. I went to a friends new gym this morning in St Cloud to help coach (and to squat in a different place.) It was a 1 hour drive from my house to there. I wanted to sleep in and maybe I should have, but like I said earlier, I need to change things and this was a change for me. I wanted to put Joel and Genny ( owner's of The Strength Station) first this morning. I got there at 8 and I left about 10:45 so I could go help coach/support Trebor, Doss, Paul and Steve compete at the F3 crossfit competition in Winter Springs. The place was packed and they were all doing great, then Katie grabs me and says Treb has been injured!...I have been there 20 min and now I am driving Trebor to the ER because it appears he tore his bicep! A couple hours later we are back at the comp to watch our brothers and Treb is now in a ace bandage wrapped up! While I was waiting with Treb at the ER I got a text from Doss that read..."Thank you for taking care of Trebor"...I loved that message and it mean't a lot to me. But isn't this what friends do? I missed a lot of the comp but that's ok... I know now I wasn't there to watch...the "Director" had different plans for me! Later, Rach texted me to let me know that Shakey had posted on FB....I read what was written and I read it again and I can not imagine how hard it is to fight daily with this illness.... but I know this..that LIFE IS NOT EASY or fair or fun or what ever other cliche there is BUT I know this.... there are a BUNCH OF US who LOVE you Shakey and Lisa and JP and Rachel and both your families and we are gonna do our best to keep fighting and praying and standing next to you all daily. We will do our damnedest to be at our best at being next to you all every day. I was not taught how to do this from my parents, or what to do when a friend is dying. Nobody showed me the way to act or feel or even what words to say. We have "How To Do's" in everything else...but I will tell you this...we as a group of brother's and sister's will be there for you-day in and day out!...Here's some pic's from the week y brother's!